


Balancing the Texts

by softlyfeather



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-06 08:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14052804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyfeather/pseuds/softlyfeather
Summary: Sequel toA Blanket Across the StarsThe connection between Rey and Kylo is only getting stronger, and the war is far from ended. Can they win the war without revealing their secret?





	1. the connection is still there

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to come directly after the events of TLJ, and my fic A Blanket Across the Stars. 
> 
> You don't need to have read that fic to read this one, but there will be a couple references to things I added that aren't in the films. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Rey sat with the broken lightsaber, one half in each hand. Thinking about Kylo. How she had left him. She felt awful. Had she made the right choice? Would he be alright? Would the First Order find out what had happened to Snoke and hurt him?  
She looked up and movement caught her eye. She watched as Finn covered an unconscious Rose with a blanket. She saw a flash of Kylo lying on the floor as she touched his hair in a goodbye… _for now_. And while she was happy for them she felt a sad twinge in her chest. _Kylo- Ben. Ben should be here._  
Leia sat down with her… Ben’s mother.  
“How do we build the rebellion from this,” Rey asked.  
Leia glanced down at the broken lightsaber and laid her hand over Rey’s. “We have everything we need,” she smiled with a perceptive look in her eye. As Rey reached out and felt the connection with Kylo still present in the back of her mind, she wondered, _does Leia know?_

Everyone else had gone to sleep. Things had been happening so quickly, it seemed strange to be still. Rey felt restless. She’d found a small corner near a window to sit, as sleep was still far away. She had a spare fighter jacket draped over her legs, her toes curled inwards - she should’ve left her stockings on. The cold of space was even more intense than Jakku’s chilly desert nights. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rubbed her hands together trying to warm them.  
As she looked out at the foreign sky, her mind was still fixated on his face. As she left him. Just like everyone else had. The hurt so clear on his face. She knew what this would do to him. She had no other choice, to save the Resistance and her friends, but… that didn’t make it any easier. Breathing began to feel difficult and she wished she could make him see.

****  
Kylo sat in his chamber. Now that Snoke was dead he could’ve demanded a larger unit, but this was his. One of the few things left that’s his. Familiarity was scarce.  
He’d taken the blanket from the end of his bed and wrapped it around himself. Sitting by the window, looking out at the stars… _I wonder where she is now_. His chest ached. He lowered his face into the blanket, breathing deeply trying to contain his emotions … _it still smells like her_ , he closed his eyes tightly. 

****  
The connection felt taunt, as if stretched across the space between them. But still there. Somehow he still felt close by. Pressing her fingers to the cool glass, Rey watched her body heat condense on the surface in halos around her fingertips. As her skin began to feel numb from the cold she remembered how warm his hand had been by the fire. The memories and sensations that had flowed through them both. The comfort he had given her. She closed her eyes, _we’re not alone. Not anymore_. And yet she couldn’t help but feel alone without him there.

****  
His hands felt cold. On impulse he reached out to touch his fingertips against the glass next to him. Stroking the stars. It felt like she was there.  
The normal Kylo response would be anger. She had left him after all. Just like everyone else. _No, not just like everyone else_. He had seen it in her eyes before she shut the Falcon door. The acceptance. She would wait for him. The ache in his chest intensified. The cold of the glass reminded him of the metal floor in the throne room. When he had awakened alone. _She could’ve killed me. She **should’ve** killed me_. But she hadn’t. She hadn’t even taken his lightsaber. Tension pulled between his brows. If she didn’t want to join him, why had she let him live? He had seen her past. Feeling abandoned and lonely. He had thought that he was offering her everything she could’ve wanted. A place in the galaxy. At his side.  
The stars twinkled mockingly and he felt himself fall into the memory. A tear fell down his cheek and the rolling hills of the Jakku desert spanned before him. Lit only by the vast, empty sky above. His parents were never coming back. But… he hoped Rey would.

****  
The Falcon felt crowded. Rey didn’t like being close to this many people. As odd as it made her feel, she missed her AT-AT. She was comfortable with solitude. With quiet. Only relying on herself. She wasn’t used to having others rely on her.  
Though it wasn’t voiced directly to her, she knew the Rebels were hoping that she’d have been at least somewhat trained by Luke by now and ready to assist them as a Jedi. It pained her that this was so far from the truth. Luke’s stubbornness has left her woefully unprepared. Each day she struggled through the texts. Trying to glean whatever wisdom she could from them. She understood the language they were written in but as her schooling was all self inflicted, she was much better with a ships engine than with academic research. Each sentence required a moment of thought to interpret.  
Frustration built up at her predicament. Why couldn’t Luke have been more open to helping her. Why couldn’t Kylo have come with her. _How am I supposed to do this alone?_

****  
Sitting by the window each night had become a habit. Kylo grabbed his blanket and settled down. Thoughts of the day weighting heavy on his mind. Being Supreme Leader while also concealing the fact that he had killed the previous one was more difficult that he had anticipated. Hux was being the usual nuisance. The entire First Order was focused on finding the remnants of the Resistance and Kylo was torn between wanting to find them to snuff them out and wanting to find them because **she** was with them. The conflict inside him had only gotten worse since they had connected. Pulling out his old thoughts. His old self. Ben.  
Feeling lost and disconnected, he sighed deeply.  
Then the background humming of the destroyer faded and hope flared as he looked up. 

****  
The window had become her spot to work through the day. The texts had been particularly vague earlier and she had gotten even less accomplished than usual. Finn, Poe, Leia, and everyone else had been so busy lately that she didn’t think she’d even spoken to anyone that day. They were all just leaving her on her own to do what they couldn’t.  
_I need help_ , she reluctantly admitted to herself. Wishing Kylo was here… or that she had stayed…  
As if her mind had called him, there he was. Sitting the same, facing her, wrapped in the blanket he had given her on the island. Her eyes ran over him quickly.  
Thoughts and emotions were radiating from him. Relief at seeing her, pain that she left him, and a resounding _why_ from his shining eyes. As much as she wanted to explain… _not now_. Both of them have been hurt and their wounds are still raw. She didn’t think she could handle that right now.

****  
Her eyes had scanned his body quickly - checking for injuries. He felt the feeling in his chest soften, _she worried about me_.  
He could see in her expression that she didn’t want to talk right now. He felt slight annoyance but accepted. He was glad to just have the company. Rey’s shoulders relaxed and he knew she felt the same. Things have clearly been difficult for them both. She turned her face back to the glow beside her, _she must also be sitting by a window_. He smiled slightly at the fact that they had mirrored each other even worlds apart. Her thoughts floated around him and it felt as though they were both submerged in a pool of their combined minds. She was so torn when she left. He felt surprise but also a small measure of satisfaction that it hadn’t been easy for her to say no. Her concern and loyalty for her friends is formidable. He didn’t think anyone following him felt quite like that. Fear was much more likely.  
She shivered and it was almost as though he felt the air move, rippling towards him. She pulled the jacket that was draped over her legs closer to her shoulders, exposing her bare feet curled inwards in front of him. On impulse he moved his own bare feet out slightly to cover hers. 

****  
Another shiver moved through her, and she felt Kylo move his feet over hers. They were so warm. She could see the question in his eyes, if she wasn’t ok with it he would stop. But no… this was nice. Her mouth twitched in a grateful smile in answer. She could see the slight answering smile in his eyes. Neither of them have had much physical comfort or contact in years. Feeling content for the first time since she left Ahch-to, she leaned her head against the window and shut her eyes. Basking in the calming strength of their connection. Of not being alone. 

****  
Rey shut her eyes and Kylo felt his heart swell. He hadn’t thought he would be this glad to have the connection. That even though she had left - for her friends - they still have this. _We’re not alone_. He lay his head on his arm and watched her fall asleep, feeling a peace he didn’t think he’d ever felt before.

****  
Leia walked down the corridor on her way to get some sleep when she felt a presence at the edge of her mind… _Ben?_ She looked into the room to her right and glanced quickly around at the small workstation and a window with two people sitting in it. Then she looked back and there was just one. Rey sleeping with a jacket wrapped around her. Frowning, Leia left.

****  
Rey continued to work her way through the sacred Jedi texts. She wished she could ask Leia for help since she was the only other Force-sensitive person on the ship, but she was constantly in the middle of strategy meetings and planning their next move. _I wonder if this is how Ben felt growing up…_  
From what she can make out, the books describe the Force a little differently than Luke had to her. Luke had described the Light as being life, warmth, control, and all positive aspects whereas the Dark was death, cold, disorder, and all negative aspects. The texts seemed to imply that all things are equal. The Light and Dark are both just the Force and exist as things that cannot be inherently positive or negative. Then there were pages of mathematical formulas proving this which made Rey’s head spin. _Maybe Kylo can help me… he studied with Luke for much longer than I did. He also studied with Snoke_ , she felt a shiver run down her back. _Since he’s seen both sides, of anyone, Kylo probably understands this the best_.

Their connection seemed to work best at night. Rey saw glimpses of Kylo through the day but always briefly and when they were both absorbed in other tasks. She’d feel a light touch through the Force and then he’d be standing in the corner of the room. Clearly talking to someone wherever he was. Each time they’d make quick eye contact and nod slightly in acknowledgment. Things felt a bit more awkward in the daylight.  
That night Rey sat by the window again to wait, wishing there was a way to trigger it. She only had to wait a moment before Kylo was striding towards her. Surprised it had worked so quickly, “Hi,” was all she could get out.  
“Hi,” he replied. He was wearing thinner clothes. _Maybe what he wears to bed?_ Grabbing the blanket he came to sit with her, and offered her half of the blanket. She accepted, touched that he remembered how cold she was before. 

****  
With the blanket stretched across both their knees, Kylo had a thought bubble up of them making a blanket and pillow fort. Clearly Rey caught a glimpse of it as she coughed out a laugh and crinkled her nose at him in amusement. He could tell that a pillow fort was something she had never thought of before, as she had never had enough pillows to even conceive of making something solely out of them. Grief twinged through him for the childhood she never had.  
“Ben-,” she started, but stopped at the piercing look Kylo gave her. “Do you mind me calling you Ben?”  
His mouth tightened and he looked away for a moment. “It’s just been such a long time since anyone called me that. That wasn’t my parents. It almost feels like someone else’s life. But… lately I haven’t really felt like Kylo Ren either,” there was slight warmth to his cheeks as he admitted this.  
“What do the First Order call you?” she asked.  
His face heated further, “Well, now they call me Supreme Leader. But before, usually Ren.”  
“How about Kylo?” she suggested.  
He tilted his head thoughtful, “No one really calls me that to my face. But whatever you want is fine with me,” he felt himself saying, while realizing with some surprise at the same time that it was true.  
“Okay, Kylo.” She was straight to business, “So I took the sacred Jedi texts from Ahch-To.”  
Kylo tightened his lips to keep from laughing. _Of course she stole the sacred Jedi texts_.  
“There’s a lot of formulas and proofs in it that I don’t understand,” she blushed at this, clearly aware of her lack of formal education, “But what they seem to be saying is different from what Luke told me.”  
“That makes sense,” he replied. “The texts that Jedi are taught from in training temples are distilled from the knowledge in the sacred texts. But since no one has seen the sacred texts in hundreds of years, no one knows how they differ. Until now of course,” he gestured towards her. He was jealous. What he would give to read those.  
“Okay, well essentially they seem to say that the Light and Dark are equal parts that make up the Force. And that neither is good or evil but they are both just… forces…” she struggled to find the word.  
“Like gravity?” he suggested.  
“Yes! Like gravity. That are incapable of being good or evil. And it is only our use and interpretation of them that creates the imbalance…” she trailed off.  
Kylo looked away, thinking this through. “Jedi training is heavily one sided. The Light is all that is taught and the Dark is glazed over, not even described. To avoid temptation,” he grimaced. Well aware of his unique position in this conversation, “Whereas, with Snoke,” his face tightened, “it was the opposite. Each wants you to believe that their path is the only right way and the other is blasphemy.”  
“Exactly! When Luke was teaching me to feel the Force he wanted me to sense both sides but was terrified when I was drawn to the Dark,” Rey added. Kylo’s eyebrows rose, surprised that she was being so candid about being tempted by the Dark. But then, she lacked the societal ideals about the Jedi and the Sith. She grew up on a lawless desert planet away from all that. He could tell from the glimpses he’d seen in her mind that morals had to be relative on Jakku if you wanted to survive. “I didn’t understand how he could acknowledge that both were part of the cycle but say that one is out of bounds. How can balance ever be achieved if we are only accepting one side and denying the other completely?”  
_How indeed_. 

****  
Kylo went silent in thought and Rey waited. She could tell he was working his way through this. His voice was quiet when he said, “Han always thought there was too much Vader in me. And Snoke said there was too much of my father’s heart in me.” Rey stiffened at the mention of Han. She could feel the conflicting emotions pouring off of him. “Too Dark for the Light and too Light for the Dark,” he scoffed. _Never good enough_. Rey’s heart clenched. She saw flashes of Ben at the training temple, trying his hardest but never receiving the praise he so desperately craved. So clearly if this wasn’t working, it was time to try the other path. And then after everything, after killing his past, quite literally, to be told it still wasn’t enough. She could feel the tears in her eyes, mirroring his. Feeling lost, belonging no where. _No_.  
Rey leaned forward, reaching out, and took his hands in hers. “No. Kylo, you’re not Vader, and you’re not your father,” her voice broke slightly mentioning Han. She could see the pain in his eyes. “You are a valid person on your own. You just have to be _you_.”  
He swallowed, and his voice was barely there, “I don’t even know who that is.”  
Rey could feel this thought echoing within her. She looked down in thought, “I put so much hope into finding my place when I found who my parents were. But now…” she took a deep breath. Looking back to him she had an idea. “How about this, we’ll tell each other what we see.”

****  
Kylo gazed at her. Her face was glowing, her hands holding his. He was confused by what she meant until her thoughts revealed it to him. _Ah_. “Okay. I’ll go first…” Looking at her it was clear, “You are so strong.” She scoffed and he insisted, squeezing her hands lightly, “No, Rey, you have the most strength of anyone I’ve ever met. You had the strength to hold onto hope for years on Jakku. And you were completely alone. I would never have lasted that long. You saw hope in me when no one else did… Your strength is why Snoke feared you.”

****  
Rey felt his sincerity. She had started to think her ability to hope for things to be foolish. Waiting so long for her family… But she was honoured that he thought so highly of her. She took a breath, “I see your passion.” She saw his face colour slightly.  
“That’s a dark side trait.”  
“No, it’s a _human_ trait,” Rey asserted. “You give everything. You fight for what you believe in with everything you have. Even if you’re not sure what it is you should believe in.”

****  
He looked to the side. Kylo had always felt like his compass was askew. Never knowing which direction his heart was pointing. Regardless, he had always given his all. But no one had ever cared because his all was never good enough if it wasn’t pure. If it wasn’t in line with their plans for him. But not her. He looked back to her shining eyes, “I believe in you.” _In our vision_.

****  
It was her turn to flush. She hid a smile and looked down, changing the topic, “I’m glad I can figure out these texts with your help. Everyone here is always so busy, and the only one who’d really understand is Leia, and she’s always”- She stopped as Kylo squeezed her hands so tight it hurt. “Ouch!”-  
“Leia- my mother,” his expression was desperate, “she’s alive?”  
Rey looked at him in confusion, “Um, yes? I just saw her today”- she broke off as Kylo tilted his head back, closing his eyes in relief as tears streamed down his face. His hands loosened on hers. She could see it rolling off him. The glittering glass shooting into space… the bodies flying out of the bridge. His finger to the side of the trigger. His flankers had shot before he could even think. His mother had been there. Emptiness. Like sitting in a cavern so vast she can’t see the sides. Just darkness. So alone. She can’t breathe, it’s suffocating. Gasping, Rey tightened her grip on his hands and pulled Kylo towards her. He was so tall it meant she was basically sitting in his lap. Wrapping her arms around him firmly, _It’s okay, you’re not alone. It’s okay, you’re not alone_.  
His arms wrap around her as well and they held each other so tightly, as if they wanted to merge into one. _It’s okay, you’re not alone, it’s okay, you’re not alone, it’s okay, you’re not alone_ , echoed around them until neither could tell whose thought it was. His head was buried in her shoulder, “Thank you, Rey,” he choked out. She eased up her hold on him and brushed away the hair stuck to his cheek. 

****  
“You didn’t know?” he asked. Surely her friends would’ve told her what happened. That Leia had almost died.  
She looked embarrassed, “There was so much to tell, and everyone’s been so busy…” He caught a glimpse of her sitting by the texts as people walk past with purpose, always in the middle of meetings or planning. Rey left alone to fulfill her destiny as the last Jedi. The pressure weighing on her.  
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I wish I could help more.”  
Rey shook her head emphatically. “No. Trust me, you are helping.” She smiled, “Just having someone to talk to about this stuff keep me sane.”  
The corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched upwards, “Me too.” He rubbed his thumb gently over her exposed shoulder.  
Her eyelashes fluttered at the touch. “I should probably sleep. But I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow,” she looked up hopefully.  
“Yes,” he promised. Then he hesitated before asking, “I know it might be hard to work into conversation but… could you somehow…”

****  
She squeezed his arm, “Yes. I’ll talk to Leia.”  
“Thank you,” he sighed. Kylo puffed his cheeks slightly and swallowed before moving forward to press a light kiss against her forehead. The sensation faded, and he was gone. But the warmth of the bond remained.  
Rey hugged her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees. _How am I ever going to explain this to the others…_


	2. pining for home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance reaches their new base and Rey talks to Leia, stirring up past pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just an fyi, i decided to make up this particular planet/system rather than try and find one in the SW universe that fit my purposes.

Things on the Falcon calmed down after they jumped to another planet, Ospano, with an old hidden rebel base on it. _After all this conflict for decades, there must be thousands of these scattered throughout the galaxy_ , Rey thought to herself. The decision had been made to spend the night on the ship and they would venture down to the base in the morning.  
As preparations for disembarking were being completed and Resistance members were heading to bed Rey found Leia enjoying a free moment for once. She was sitting in a corner sipping tea out of a battered metal cup.  
“How did you know about this base?” Rey asked.  
Leia looked up from her tea and patted the bench beside her. Her mouth tightened slightly before she explained, “Actually, it’s somewhere Han brought Ben and I long ago. He’d find these old bases sometimes in his travels and when Ben was young we’d go exploring.” She looked sadly out of the nearby windows down at the planet below. “Before the First Order started taking over.”  
Rey allowed Leia a moment of thought before starting, “What was Ben like back then?” As she said his name she could feel his presence in her mind. Not sure if it would work, she tried to open her senses so that he could hear and see with her.  
If Leia was surprised by the question she didn’t show it. “He was so bright,” she said smiling to herself. Eyes lost in the memory, “He loved history and learning about everything, everywhere we went. He always had books with him,” she looked up at an empty shelf lining the edge of the ceiling, “the ship was full of them.”  
Kylo’s presence came closer and closer until it felt like he was right behind Rey, looking over her at his mother. She glanced to the side but was relieved to find that she couldn’t see him.  
“Of course, being so bright,” Leia continued, “he was not the easiest child to raise.” Her face fell slightly, “And with the demands of Resistance increasing as the galaxy changed, and Han never around… I’m afraid we let Ben down a great deal.” Turning to Rey, her eyes shone with unshed tears. “I have many regrets in this life but none compare to never having the chance to make things right with my son. Things escalated so quickly, the war began, and suddenly we were hearing about what happened at the temple”- Emotion stopped her voice and she put a hand to her mouth.  
Kylo’s presence was pressed against her, as if he had his arms wrapped around her shoulders and his head was resting against the side of her face, trying to get as close as he could to take in this conversation. Rey could feel the sorrow and profound regret pouring out of him. _Please let her know it’s okay…_  
Rey put her hand on Leia’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “I know it’s not the same coming from me… But I think Ben understands. He may have chosen the wrong path but the fact that he is still so conflicted is a testament to your love for him… and his for you.”  
Leia looked at Rey’s face. Searching. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Rey, why are you asking about Ben?”  
Tensing, Rey removed her hand and she quipped, “I was just curious.” She tried to arrange her face in an innocent expression and could feel a slight rumble in her chest as Kylo laughed.  
Leia weighed her words. Then blinked, looking to the side of Rey’s face and her skin paled. Her lips tightened in a small smile and a tear ran down her cheek, her hand clutched at her cloak over her chest. Rey could feel Kylo aching to be there, the feeling of his hand gripping her arm tightly. The moment passed and Leia looked back into Rey’s eyes. Reading something. Kylo’s presence faded.  
“I can sense that something happened between you two,” Rey felt her blood run cold - she was **not** ready to explain this yet - “but as you’re not ready to talk about it yet, I will just say that when you are ready… I am here,” Leia reached out and ran her hand softly down Rey’s arm. Right where Kylo’s hand had been.  
“Thank you,” Rey could feel a blush spreading on her face and she nodded a goodbye, rushing to her small space in the ship.

Feeling raw from the conversation, Rey stood gazing down at the small red and green planet and there was that familiar ache in her chest. It was the feeling that had been a constant on Jakku. As she sat at night looking up at the stars, wondering when her parents would return. They were her only sense of home, of family. But… _that will never happen_. She knew that now. She has no parents, no home. Jakku was only ever a place to wait. A liminal space. Caught in between the past and the future. The last place her parents would know to look for her. She had never had memories of a home to miss, and yet she ached for one. After the strong emotions from both Kylo and Leia she felt overwhelmed. After everything they were still family. The thought consumed her mind and she could feel the tears coming, caught in her throat. She was so distracted she didn’t notice him at first.  
“… are you alright?”  
Rey turned quickly to see him standing next to her.  
“I’m okay,” she replied, though she knew he could easily sense otherwise. 

****  
She looked so small and lost like this. She was looking down at a planet and pining… pining for home. But he could feel her anguish that home meant nothing solid to her. It was a feeling known only by its absence. “When was the last time you felt at home, Ben?” she asked quietly.  
_Home_. It was a foreign feeling to him as well. But… “You mean other than with you?” He replied with a slight smile, reaching out and poking her arm awkwardly. Trying to lighten the mood.

****  
Rey looked up in surprise. She could feel the comfort he was trying to surround her with. _It’s true_. The few moments of warmth she’d felt lately have been when he was with her. With everything changing around her, he’d been the only constant. His presence and thoughts centering her. 

****  
_It’s been so long…_ Kylo continued his thought, “Probably when I was young. Before they sent me to train with Luke.” He looked away, “But we moved around so much because of mother’s work, and Han was always away on smuggling trips - running away to his past… so it only felt like home when the three of us were together.” He looked back to Rey. “It wasn’t often.”

****  
She could see the pain this caused him. Yes, he had had parents when she had been alone, but his childhood was made up of fragmented memories of holidays and stretches of time together. Yearly trips that tried to make up for lost time but always fell short. So much time, so much more than she had thought, was spent alone. Reading. Trying to make friends, and feeling betrayed when they decided he wasn’t what they had thought he would be. Because of who his parents were. Trying to find his place in this sporadic family. Never feeling deserving of attention. There was always something much more important going on. The dark whispers in his mind only causing further torment and casting him deeper inside his own despair, spiralling down. The dark impulses provoking him to lash out indiscriminately to try and protect himself. From the ever lurking shadow. His parents eyes becoming more fearful when they looked at him. Less a child and more a _monster_.  
Tears ran down her face and Rey gasped for breath, reaching out for his hand. The physical contact was becoming a needed comfort. Kylo’s past always felt like she was drowning in darkness and fear.

****  
Kylo took her offered hand and pulled himself out of his thoughts, seeing the shared pain on her face.  
“I’m sorry Rey. I didn’t mean to have you feel all that,” he ran his thumb over her fingers.  
“No,” Rey shook her head. “I’m glad I saw. I didn’t realize”- her voice broke, “I didn’t realize what it was like. I thought, any parents were better than no parents, but maybe I had it easier in a sense.”  
Kylo took her hand in both of his, massaging it gently, “I don’t think it’s fair to compare. We both went through a lot and have come out the other side.”  
They breath together, holding each others gaze, letting the painful emotions subside as the reassuring connection hummed through them. Rey sighed lightly and tugged on his hands, “Come sit by me,” she tilted her head towards the floor. Kylo felt his heart leap in his chest as he moved to her side.  
Sitting down next to her he raised his arm and she ducked under it, leaning into his side and he wrapped his arms around her. _Maker, this feels good_.  
She was so warm against him and Kylo could feel his tense muscles relaxing for once. He lay his cheek on her head and closed his eyes.  
“I know we’re going to have to talk more about what all this means but right now”- she began.  
“Shh, it’s okay,” he interlaced his fingers with hers, practically enveloping her small hand. “I need this too.” She squeezed his hand in thanks.  
They sat silent, content, basking in the luxury of physical closeness. Recharging to deal with another day of being on opposing sides of a war.

He awoke to the cold of his chamber. Looking to his side he remembered her body next to his and he closed his eyes. Holding on to the memory to last him through the day. A sharp beep from his door jolted him from his musings. His daily reminder from Hux that he had more responsibilities now that he was Supreme Leader.  
Rising, Kylo stretched in preparation of his morning training. Though he’d rather have a slow start to his day, he knew that it was more important than ever to make sure Hux knows who’s in charge. He can’t trust someone that power hungry. 

He’d turned up the difficulty on the training droid today. Hux stood to the side looking uncomfortable. Kylo hid his smirk. He’d scheduled their meeting for the middle of his training on purpose. The droid attacked faster and faster, with the two electrified metal sparring blades whirling through the air. Today, Kylo was even using his lightsaber instead of a sparring weapon, for full effect on Hux. Though as he felt air rush past his ear as a blade swung by, he wondered if perhaps he set it a little too high, and breathed out heavily, pushing himself harder.

****  
Rey had reached a section of text describing kaiburr crystals - she assumed this is an old glyph for kyber crystals - but it was very detailed and scientific. She was having trouble figuring out which parts were important for her to know so that she could attempt to fix Luke’s lightsaber and which were just extraneous information. Frowning, she rested her head in her hand and sighed heavily. She heard a quiet laugh from the doorway and turned her head to see an amused Finn.  
“What’s so funny?” she smiled, glad to have a distraction.  
“I imagine those books aren’t the most fun to read,” he replied. “Want to do something else to give you a break?”  
She rolled her eyes and laughed, “Yes, please.”  
Following him out the door he told her that they were beginning to set up the base on Ospano and they were in the midst of planning out living quarters. As he spoke, his voice faded slightly and she felt a tug on her mind. Ben? Turning her head to the right she could see Kylo swirling, lightsaber sparking, he was fending off an invisible foe. Her whole body tensed, “No…” _Did the First Order find out that he killed Snoke? Have they turned on him?_  
Unaware that she’d spoken aloud, Finn asked, “Rey? Are you ok?” He followed her line of sight but couldn’t see what was causing her distress. She couldn’t take her eyes off Kylo. 

****  
Her presence was sudden and he heard her gasp, “No…” as waves of concern pummelled him. His heart thumped happily at her care and he had to tighten his grip on the saber to keep from looking at her. He took one final swing at the droid, finally hitting that panel on the top that wins him the match. As the droid backed away he sent calming thoughts to Rey, finally turning to her. The relief on her face stirred his gut and he couldn’t keep the smile from his face. _I’m okay, just training. But thank you for the concern_.  
“What are you looking at?” Hux snipped. Pulling his gaze from the more pleasant view, he could feel her fading.  
He fixed Hux with a cold glare, “None of your business.” He savoured the gaping fish-like face Hux made.

****  
_Just training_. Relief flowed through her. He’s okay. Then she realized that Finn was still waiting for an answer. She hadn’t even heard what he’d asked.  
“Sorry what?” she feigned innocence.  
Finn gave her a look, “You just gapped out and were staring at thin air. Are you sure you’re feeling ok? Maybe you’ve been reading too much.”  
She tried to laugh it off, “Maybe you’re right. Good thing we’re going to do something to take my mind off it.”  
“Right!” He remembered his original task and they walked down the gangplank onto the planets surface. She was grateful that he’d been so easily deterred, knowing that if she’d been talking to Poe things wouldn’t have been so simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love the "home is where ever i'm with you" idea. for these two lost lonely souls to find home in each other.


	3. plans set in motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has an idea of where the Resistance is, but where will it lead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more planet and system names are made up. also get ready for a bit of angst ;)

The meeting with Hux was primarily troop movements and general strategy now that Snoke’s agenda was not known. He had always played his plans close to the chest and neither Kylo nor Hux had been included in the entirety of his design. So they were having to improvise and read between the lines of where their forces already were.  
“My sources have tracked the Resistance to Rasiah,” he reported and Kylo tensed, _Rey…_ “They’ve seen increased activity there and suspect that is where the Rebels have retreated to. I suggest we follow and observe them. Allow them to feel safe before either attacking or following them further to ascertain more to their support network.” He looked to Kylo with annoyance in his eyes. He clearly hated having to get permission from him.  
Kylo stalled, “Let me think this over. We’ll reconvene later.” Hux frowned.  
“You realize this information becomes less useful the longer we wait. They have a tendency to move frequently to prevent us tracking them,” he explained pedantically.  
“Yes, I realize that,” Kylo hissed. “Now leave me.”  
Hux paused before acquiescing. Knowing it bothered him.  
Once the chamber was empty Kylo ran his hand through his hair anxiously. Was the information correct? He needed to check but how could he trigger the connection? It usually seemed random. He decided to walk the ship and tug hoping for a bite. Like fishing. The corner of his lip quirked as he remembered his father teaching him before everything went downhill. As always the sobering thoughts pushed out the good memories.  
He stalked the corridors pulling on the thread in his mind that felt like her. Thinking her name periodically, _Rey?_ On his second lap he took a break at a small window that seemed like it had no purpose. It was set into a wall alcove with no room or panels nearby, but there was a small ledge jutting from the wall. _Rey, I need you..._  
Suddenly she was there sitting on the ledge. She looked like she was sitting at a meal. In the midst of listening to someone else speak, he watched her face change and she glanced over at him, a question in her eyes.

****  
Poe was retelling a funny story that involved BB-8 once again saving his skin when she felt him. He was standing behind Finn, who was sitting opposite her at the table. He looked around her anxiously as if he could tell there were other people where she was, before speaking in a low voice, “I need to ask you something.”  
She could feel her face flushing and hoped no one would notice. Luckily Poe had gone off on a tangent and she saw her opportunity and interrupted him, while looking directly at Kylo so he would understand, “Is this important?” She looked back to Poe, “-to the story I mean.”  
Poe laughed, “No I guess not, I’ll get right back on topic, Commander.” He saluted jokingly before continuing.  
She glanced back to Kylo and he said, “Yes, very.” His face was grave and she could feel worry seeping in. She nodded slightly and willed Poe to finish soon. As soon as he did she laughed lightly and said she’d be right back, she just had to grab something from her room.  
Looking to Kylo, she hoped that he could come with her. _Is that how this works?_ She walked down a dusty old hallway and through a door to another hall before reaching her room. It was small but at least it was private. When she turned he was still there, “Did you have to follow me? Or what happened for you?”  
“You just sort of blurred for a bit and now you’re solid again, but I didn’t move,” he said. Clearly just as interested in how this worked for them. “Handy,” he nodded approvingly.  
“So what’s so important?” she asked hesitantly.  
“Right. Are you on Rasiah?” he got straight to the point.  
She paused, “Um… no?” The tension melted from his face and he ran his hand through his hair.  
“Okay good. Hux’s spies think that’s where you are right now. But I guess it’s a false lead,” he sighed. Looking back to her he seemed softer, “You’re okay though? I guess you’re not on the ship anymore if you were walking that far to be somewhere quiet.”  
“No, we’re on a planet now…” she trailed off, unsure of what to say. She hadn’t expected him to come and give her information on what the First Order was planning. _But, I guess I didn’t think he’d want to come attack me now either…_  
He took her silence for apprehension, “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me where you are. I don’t want to know. Just in case.”  
“No! No, it isn’t that,” she protested, “It’s not that I don’t trust you… because I do.”

****  
His heart flipped. He didn’t think he’d care this much.  
She continued, “It’s just that I would feel like I was betraying my friends trust by saying anything. But,” the look in her eyes made everything worth it, “I really do appreciate you checking to make sure.”  
He tried to hide his smile but could tell he was failing by the amused one on her face. Then without warning she faded. He sighed. _I guess we can’t control the length of time quite yet. But at least I can contact her when I need to._  
He reported back to Hux to follow up on his leads, and Hux scowled. Clearly feeling toyed with just for his amusement. Kylo was perfectly alright with this impression.

****  
Rey was more interested in the strategy meetings now that she had information about the First Order, but she couldn’t figure out how to bring it up without sounding odd that she knew it in the first place.  
At the head of the table, Leia was conferring with one of the natives on Ospano about supplies and determining how long they would be staying before moving on. They decided two days at most was best. After all the problems with active tracking they’d just experienced they didn’t want to remain in any one place for longer than they needed to restock and rest. When the topic came to where they should move next Rey perked up at Leia’s words, “Now, we can either go to Kulam which is farther away, or Rasiah which is closer and where we were going to go before we decided to stop here due to our low fuel reserves.”  
Rey spoke up quickly, “Wouldn’t it be better to go further away? Closer means that if the First Order had caught word of us coming this direction, they wouldn’t have as far to look to find us, right?” Leia shot her a suspicious look. This was the first time she’d voiced any major input since they left Crait. There was a tense pause and Rey felt moisture beading on the back of her neck. Then Finn agreed with her statement and added that Kulam wasn’t a planet that was well known by the First Order. She breathed a sigh of relief but could still feel Leia watching her closely. In the end the decision was made and she walked away from the meeting in loud conversation with Poe, hoping Leia wouldn’t approach her.  
It worked, for now. 

The two days go by quickly. Everyone had a job to do to stock the ships and prepare for a potentially longer stay on Kulam. Rey barely even glimpsed Kylo but could sense that he was busy as well. The First Order was moving out to pursue them.  
The night before they departed she was falling asleep quickly after a strenuous day. Her muscles were sore and heavy. The edge of sleep was brushing against her mind softly when she felt a warm weight slowly become apparent in the bed next to her. She could feel his sleepy thoughts curl against hers as his arm slipped over her hips and instinctively pulled her to his chest. Her mind drew up from sleep slightly, but then she decided, _No. I want to enjoy this while neither of us is thinking._ The sensation of having someone’s body pressed against her was new, but so soothing. It hummed through her. She sighed happily as he nuzzled his face into her neck and they sank into a rare peaceful sleep.

****  
Kylo could still feel her in his arms. She wasn’t there but the sensation remained. He held it close to him. Not wanting to wake up fully but just remain in this warm sleep hazed feeling for as long as he can. But the cold of his room and the sound of his com beeping softly raised his mind out of the comforting pool of Rey. He sighed as it slipped away from him and he opened his eyes.  
The flashing star streams shot past his window and he knew, they were getting close to their destination. Rolling onto his back he studied the metal patterns in the ceiling above him. _I hope she’s far away._

****  
The stars flew past the window as they travel to Kulam. Rey pulled her gaze back to the pages of the book in front of her. She was studying the section about lightsabers again but the diagrams were worn slightly, obscuring some of the details. Trying to understand the build from just the drawings was difficult. It didn’t help that the model shown in the book was a much older form of lightsaber than Luke’s. The wiring looked to be completely different.  
Grumbling in frustration she put her head in her hands only to hear an entertained huff from the other side of the workbench. Looking over her hands she saw Kylo looking curiously at her.  
“I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon,” she commented. Cheeks feeling a tad warm from the thought of the night they spent together.  
“Me neither,” he replied. “But what are you groaning about? More trouble with the texts?”  
She sighed heavily, “Yes. I have to fix…” she gestured at Luke’s lightsaber awkwardly, realizing at the same time that he might not be able to see it and also remembering how it ended up broken in the first place, “…the lightsaber.” Kylo’s lips tightened slightly. “But the diagrams in the text are worn away and the model shown is much older.”  
Kylo was quiet for a moment before reaching to his side, “Well, this is something I can help with luckily.” He lay his lightsaber on the table before her. “I’ve been meaning to clean it anyways, so we can take it apart so you can see all the components.”  
Rey felt a rush of gratitude. Both for his help and also not focusing on the fact that she only has to repair this lightsaber because she left him. “Thank you, this will honestly help so much. I learn much better hands on.”

****  
He couldn’t help the small smile tugging at his lips. _She gets so excited about taking something apart._  
She began to remove the casing and ease out the inner workings and he marvelled at the fact that tools appear on the table moments before she reached for them. It seemed as if the Force was allowing things to become visible as each of them focus on something.  
Her hands moved quickly and she was so sure of herself that he’s surprised she needed help at all. This is clearly her area of expertise after so many scavenging missions. Fixing broken things. _Like me._  
Suddenly she jumped at a noise he couldn’t hear and looked up to the right, “Oh, hi Finn…”  
_Finn? The stormtrooper?_ His muscles tense and he glowered in the direction she was looking.

****  
Rey could feel apprehension from Kylo and she tried to send calming energy his way. “Did you need something?” she prompted Finn.  
“No, Leia just wanted me to let you know that we’ll reach Kalum in a few hours. What are you working on?” He looked to the table and saw the disassembled lightsaber hilt. Frowning he asked, “Where did you get that? It almost looks like”-  
“It’s a model,” she interrupted quickly. “I wanted to make a model first so that I know how all the pieces work together before I make a real one.” She laughed lightly, “Wouldn’t want it to blow up, you know.”  
He laughed and she relaxed slightly. “Wow, I’m impressed. That is a really intricate model.” As he came closer to look she jumped up and directed him back towards the door, “Could you go tell Poe that I’m up for sparring with the two of you once we’re on Kalum? I know he was asking about that the other day.”  
“Oh… sure, I can do that. I’ll see you later,” he smiled, still looking a little confused as to why she was rushing him out, but he left all the same.  
She shut the door behind him and let out a breath.  
“Finn,” came the stiff voice behind her. “He was the stormtrooper that was with you on starkiller base, wasn’t he?”  
The energy in the room had changed significantly. “Yes,” she replied uneasily, turning to Kylo. “He helped me escape Jakku, and now he’s part of the Resistance.” She sat back down and looked at Kylo’s sour face. “And he’s my friend,” she added more firmly.  
His brows came together and he protested, “He’s a traitor.”  
Defensive anger flared and she retorted, “And what exactly are you after Snoke?”  
His eyes flashed back to hers. She could tell he didn’t like being lumped together with Finn. “It’s different,” he growled.  
“No, I don’t think it is. You both made a choice. Finn didn’t even choose to be a stormtrooper in the first place,” she could feel her anger making her reckless. She had so few real friends that she treasured the new relationships that were so different from what she had always known. “At least you chose your path before realizing it was wrong.” As soon as the words left her mouth she wished she could take them back. Kylo was looking at her with betrayal in his eyes.  
“It wasn’t like that and you know it,” he said quietly.

****  
It hadn’t felt like much of a choice. More like the only option left to him. His uncle, known throughout the galaxy as a legend. A kind, forgiving Jedi. And he had tried to kill Ben. Clearly he was meant to become what everyone saw in him from the beginning. Vader.  
He could feel that Rey regretted what she had said but the fact that she thought it at all hurt. Ben turned away from her apologetic expression, closing his eyes, hoping that when he opened them he would be alone. Opening them slowly he saw his lightsaber was still on the table in front of him, in pieces, but Rey was gone. He let out his breath and began to put it back together.

****  
“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered to the empty air. She sighed and put her head back in her hands. _I knew this wouldn’t be easy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh my baby attempt at angst. don't worry it won't last long.


	4. that's what friends do right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance settles into Kalum.

Now that they’d arrived at Kalum and set up base in an old settlement, things were starting to calm down a bit.  
Rey hadn’t seen Kylo for few days. Not that she was expecting to. A part of her was glad. She’d been wanting to have time to think things through.  
The brief look she had had at his saber had given her the basis for her plans to make a new one. She’d been thinking about using her staff to make a double sided one, but wanted to consult Kylo before putting the finishing touches on it, if possible. From what the texts said, it didn’t sound like she was exaggerating when she told Finn it could blow up.  
When she had explained to Poe that she could use help figuring out the wiring, he suggested she talk to Rose. So after their midday meal, she approached her with a hesitant smile, asking if she felt up to trying to build a lightsaber. Rose looked interested but Rey was surprised at how guarded her expression was.  
They set up at a workstation near the hangar. After a few minutes of terse answers to her questions and strange side glances, Rey had to ask, “I’m sorry but did I do something?”  
Rose looked defensive, “Look, I wish you guys the best, but I’m still dealing with it ok?”  
Rey froze. _What is she talking about? Does she know?_ “Who are you talking about?”  
Rolling her eyes Rose pointed to Finn who was across the room talking to Poe. _Ohh_. Rey smiled with relief, “Finn and I are just friends.”  
Rose’s eyes narrowed, “He told me that he doesn’t know what he wants right now and is interested in someone else… I just assumed he meant you since he talks about you so much.”  
“I mean, we’re close. I think I was his first real friend outside of the First Order,” Rey explained, and then added, “other than Poe anyways.” Their eyes met for a moment and they paused. The idea clearly occurring to them both at the same time. They turned in sync to look across the hangar at Finn leaning in as Poe spoke to him intently. Then to break the mood, Poe poked Finn in the side with a charming grin and Finn practically _giggled_.  
Looking back to each other Rey and Rose burst out laughing. The tension resolved, they got down to business.  
At the end of the day there was a finished staff saber on the table in front of them. “Give her a go,” Rose urged.  
Taking a breath Rey picked up the cool metal and carried it to the edge of the hangar where she’d have room to move. She spread her feet apart in a solid stance and cleared her mind. Feeling the soft hum of energy around her. Then she flipped the switch on the staff in a quick motion and two blades of blue sparkling light leapt simultaneously from either end of the staff, crackling. The sound took her breath away. _It sounds like his_. Her heart beat quickly in her chest and she took a step, swinging the staff around her side, admiring the glittering beams as she swirled in and out of some of the forms that existed deep in her mind. The ones Kylo had learned. The ones she’d seen that night in the snowy forest.  
The weight and balance was almost the same as when it had just been her staff. It felt right and easy. More so than using Luke’s old lightsaber had been. Finishing her movements with a sharp jab out in front of her, Rey extinguished the blades and straightened, breathing heavily from the exertion. She looked over to Rose who was gazing at her in awe, her eyes shining. “That was **amazing** ,” she gushed.  
Rey smiled in thanks, “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Kalum was lovely. Not as lush as Takodana but not a desert like Jakku. There was an open field near the base, with a forest on the other side. The air was warm in the day and cool at night, but not the extremes Rey was used to. She hoped they could stay here a bit longer than their last stops.  
Poe and Finn had been helping her train each night. She’d been showing them the different forms and how to meditate. Though Finn tended to get distracted while trying to sit still for too long, Poe had surprisingly taken to it.  
Their fourth night on Kalum, Finn and Rey were relaxing in the grassy field after their sparring and Poe was heading back to the base. As he walked away Rey wondered if it was something Finn needed to talk about. _That’s what friends do right?_  
“What happened with you and Rose?”  
Finn raised his eyebrows at her directness but wasn’t surprised. Tact wasn’t something she had ever needed on Jakku. “Well… she’s a lovely girl. But it was all a little much, really quick,” he looked down at his hands as he rubbed his thumb. “I explained and she seemed to understand. I guess I’m just not sure what I want right now,” he looked up at Poe’s retreating back. Rey noticed but didn’t push him on it.  
“A lot has happened since Jakku,” she admitted. “I always forget how little time has passed. It feels like years sometimes. Everything is so different. Emotions are so amplified when you think you might die any day…” trailing off she looked up at the stars that were starting to flicker into existence in the twilight. There were insects chirping softly and she felt a sad sort of longing. _What if this had been my home. I wonder if Kylo has ever been here…_  
“What about you?” Finn’s question startled her out of her thoughts.  
“What about me?”  
“You’ve seemed different since you were with Luke on the island. At first I thought maybe you were sad about losing him, but I think it’s something else. Did something happen?” he looked at her with concern and she felt guilty. He was her best friend and she still hadn’t told him.  
She hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the mountains in the distance. There was a crescent moon rising behind the peaks, blazing against the peach sunset. Like a fiery saber piercing the sky.  
Taking a breath she held her legs tightly, “Yes. Something happened.”  
She could feel Finn’s sharp attention, but he was letting her speak in her own time. Waiting patiently. He knew how hard it was for her to open up. Her hands relaxed, _he’s a good friend_. She could trust him.  
Looking up she continued, “After I left Luke I didn’t come straight to Crait… I went to Snoke’s ship.” She could see the look of shock on Finn’s face and could tell he wanted to say something but she held up a hand to stop him, “I went because ever since the island…” she took another breath, this was going to be the hard part. “I’ve had this connection. With Kylo Ren.” She watched Finn. Emotions played across his face. Surprise, anger, fear, and then settled on confusion.  
“… I don’t understand. What sort of connection?” She could tell he was holding back so that he wouldn’t scare her off talking about this.  
“I don’t really fully understand it myself. But suddenly one day, I could see him. Like he was right in front of me, but he was light years away on his ship. And we could talk and feel each other’s thoughts…” she blushed slightly at this.  
“You mean he can tell where we are? Right now?” Finn looked around agitated. “Are we safe?”  
Rey motioned him to calm down, “Yes, we’re safe. I haven’t seen him in a few days and it’s not like that. We can’t really see where the other is, other than vague impressions. We just see each other. And he doesn’t want to hurt me.”  
Finn stared at her for a moment. “He doesn’t want to hurt you? He tried to kill both of us on starkiller base.”  
“He was only fighting me because I was fighting him, he wanted to teach me…” she could see that Finn didn’t want to believe her.  
“Is that what you want? To join him?” he asked apprehensively.  
“No! … I mean, I don’t know,” she could see the trepidation in Finn’s eyes and she rushed to correct herself, “I don’t mean that I want to join the dark side. I mean that I still haven’t found my place in all this. When I was on the island, I had a vision of the future. Kylo was in it and I know he helped us win.”  
Finn had stilled, but unease sat heavily in his posture.  
“Please,” Rey asked, “You know me. I know this all sounds crazy but I believe in him. And I think he can help me find my way. I don’t mean to the light or the dark but just how to be.” She looked away, “I don’t have anyone else left to show me.”  
Finn took a deep breath and let it out, looking up at the sky which was quickly turning indigo, broken up by scattered light of a thousand stars. “I trust you Rey. But I don’t trust him. I’ve seen too much of the pain he’s caused.” He looked back to her, “That being said, if you think he can help you, I’ll trust that. After all, I’m the last person to say that someone can’t leave a cause and start a new life… But just know that if he ever hurts you…” the look on his face was enough.  
She smiled filling her voice with warmth, “Thank you Finn.” Then the smile faded, “Chewie knows. But I haven’t told anyone else yet… I don’t know how to. Especially Leia.”  
Finn grimaced. “Ya, not sure how you tell his Mum that you’re on speaking terms with her son when she’s not. And then there’s the whole, what if he betrays us through this connection thing… you’re sure he won’t use it to find us?”  
Rey’s mouth pulled to the side, “I mean… I can’t be completely sure, I know he still isn’t the biggest fan of the Resistance as a whole, but he’s already warned me of where they’d be searching once so that we wouldn’t be there.” She looked down, “It’s why I suggested Kalum in the meeting.”  
His eyebrows raised. He seemed begrudgingly impressed. “Well, maybe we’ll be ok then.” He stood and brushed off his pants. “We should probably head back before it gets too dark.” As Rey stood and began to turn to the base he stopped her, “Look, I’m glad you told me. And I’ll support you when you’re ready to tell everyone else. But please be careful.”  
The solemn look on his face matched the tense ball in the pit of her stomach, “I will.”

As she flopped down on her cot that night, she turned onto her back and stared at the wooden panels that made up the ceiling. Following the grain with her eyes she thought about the paths that had led her here, and wondered what path she needed to follow to get there. To the vision.  
Everything in the texts preached balance. But the way the Jedi and Sith have been fighting to have the upper hand was anything but balanced. The numbers on either side would never be able to be completely even. She couldn’t help but feel that the balance they strive for should be within each person. To use the light and the dark to create harmony. It made sense. No one person is completely good or evil. Everyone has selfish reasons for doing things, but is also capable of being selfless and compassionate. It wouldn’t be easy, but she thought she could do it. _But can Kylo?_  
She wondered if she could trust him. Rey knew she trusted him completely when it came to her. But the Resistance? There was so much built up hate and history there. He had told her that the First Order was going to Rasiah, but she knew, that was for her. Not the rest of them. They’d have to have a conversation about this and really figure out what their plan was. To make this work.  
She turned onto her side and closed her eyes. Hopefully they’d be able to discuss things soon. _If he ever shows up again._

The next morning Leia approached her as she was going to meet the others for breakfast.  
“Rey, I need a word,” she pulled her into a small private room. The somber look on Leia’s face caused Rey to tense up. Leia took a breath, “Allies have finally contacted us and offered help. But after the Hosnian System… they’re understandably concerned for their safety. So they want to meet to discuss terms of assistance.” Rey felt hope flare. Their numbers were so small, any help would make a huge difference. “But, I am also wary that this could be a trap. Especially since they have requested we meet on Hays Minor.” Her brief hope sank. Hays Minor was the First Order run planet that Rose was from. Definitely not a safe place.  
“What are we going to do?” Rey asked.  
Leia sighed and pursed her lips, “After the losses we’ve suffered I don’t want to put more people at risk than I need to. So…” she gave Rey a cautious look, “I’m hoping you’ll join me for this meeting. We’ll go in and out, just the two of us.” Leia held her gaze as Rey swallowed nervously. She didn’t like the idea of hiding this from Finn, Poe and the others. But it did make more sense to send as few people as possible, just in case things didn’t go as planned.  
She clenched her fists in determination, “When do we go?”

That night as everyone was heading to bed, Leia and Rey boarded a small nondescript freighter to travel to Hays Minor. Leia was wearing plain grey robes and her hair was done much simpler than usual, in a single braid that was wrapped around her head. Rey had worn her usual clothing but had a dark hooded grey cloak covering everything to make her anonymous.  
They spoke little on the journey. Both absorbed in their own thoughts. Rey was worried about being able to protect Leia. She hadn’t had a chance to test her new saber in combat yet. She was feeling out of sorts. Less balanced. Meditation hadn’t calmed her nerves as it usually did.  
_…I miss him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, we're catching up with kylo next!

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wanted to have more angst at the beginning of this fic but no matter how I wrote it, the shared minds aspect always meant that they understand each other quickly (much like the progression in TLJ). But don't worry there's some coming up in future chapters ;)


End file.
